April 14th, 2011 at 2:04 pm by Stupid Rubbish

 

It sometimes makes me happy when I have bacon in my mouth.

Or at least it makes me as perilously close to happy as I am comfortable admitting to. I often wonder about vegetarianism but then I remember that I live my whole life inside a ball of sh!t anyway, so why make it a f*ckload worse?

Plus, if God had wanted us not to eat animals he wouldn’t have made them out of food.

So I tried to fill my empty and bleak day by filling my empty and bleak face. Unfortunately I need to report that it didn’t really work. Sure the bacon was good and the rolls were crusty – but it’s still pissing it down outside and I’m still stuck in the middle of bumblef*cknowhere with nothing great to do to cheer me up.

Maybe I should open a shop.

I could sell happy things like flowers and crystals and wind chimes and fish. Goldfish, not risotto fish. Obviously.

But then I remember.

f*ck that, I hate people and I just want to hide inside a cave.

God I love caves.

 

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