April 22nd, 2011 at 11:26 am by Stupid Rubbish

However you weigh this up – Easter is f*cking stupid.

I mean on the one hand you’ve got the magic-pretend-friend people getting all tightly wound and erect about something that they imagine happened like a bazillion years ago, because a really really old book kind of said it did. In a fairly obviously lying way.

Then on the other hand, you have the rest of us, blindly buying chocolate sh!t from stupid places only to then pray hard to that God we don’t believe in to make it SO f*cking sunny that we don’t even eat that sh!t anyway.

Instead we go out and burn chicken legs and beefburgers whilst our skin cooks better than the food we bizarrely intend to eat.

And what the f*ck is it with eggs?

How would you like it if confectioners lovingly recreated YOUR time-of-the-month into something brown and sweet and then forced children to eat it? Ovumesque pervert horrors.

Why do we do these things?

What is wrong with a deserted cliff top, a retro flask and a sandy bag of Maryland cookies?

Nothing. Nothing at all. Fact.

As if Jesus would be pleased to see us still making such a fuss of all this over a millionbillion years after he floated off. I imagine he would be f*cking stoked to see that not only do we continue to make the very instrument of his agonising death the main symbol of EVERYTHING to do with him, but more than that, we’ve now taken to eating chocolate in his honour. Shaped like eggs. With Smarties.

Excellent. Respectful. Insane.

If all that crazy Bible stuff is real, yeah… we dirty BBQ obsessed idiots are f*ckED, clearly.

But seriously, mark my words, all the tightly wound cross-wearing scary people are in SO MUCH sh!t TOO.

Happy Christmas.

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