April 27th, 2011 at 7:08 pm by Stupid Rubbish

What’s the most impressive animal you could win a fight against if you were totally unarmed?

I’ve done a bit of research* on this and I am going to go with a fully grown gentleman horse.

My plan would be to sneak up to it and try to look like the sort of fat country sh!tter who spends time sat on top of a horse shouting and drinking Sherry.

This would put the horse at ease.

As soon as it relaxed and dropped it’s guard I would carefully position myself roughly ten feet in front of it’s massive face – then literally run like f*ck right at it and punch it as hard as I could on the end of it’s enormous mouth.

I would literally go f*cking mental punching it’s face until it fell over. Right over. I would be like a f*cking whirlwind of sweating horse beater.

I estimate this to take about twenty seconds.

Then as it hit the deck I would angrily kick it in the gob a couple more times, shouting “STAY DOWN – STAY DOWN” as a kind of warning threat.

At the end of the day, I absolutely know I could kick the f*ck out of a sheep… but I’m not really ready for a cow or a bull. And a horse is like, the next one up… isn’t it.

(*No research whatsoever)

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