May 5th, 2011 at 8:21 pm by Stupid Rubbish

First of all lets get something straight; this COCKRIBBON was eating a salad with his own personal mouth.

A salad.

The only people who eat salad are models, homosexuals and people who are dressed by carers in very dark blue ASDA jeans, rock gently at all times and sometimes wear a crash helmet.

These are established facts.

Second of all, if you are going to eat a salad – for example if you have no other choice or are some kind of proud and dangerous paedophile, then for GOD’S SAKE do you really need to slice it up as if it was meat?

I mean hold the f*ck on, what part of a salad needs to be cut…?

CUTTING IS A MEAT THING AND SALAD IS MADE OF PLANTS AND FLOWERS AND PLANTS.

So anyway, there I am eating a tuna baguette, a man’s meal, I was taking massive bites and deliberately letting the crusty bread scrape my masculine gums without so much as a f*cking glance. I was also painfully erect – but that’s not really the point.

It was my man’s meal and I was my man.

And the salad-eating f*ckCOIN did that thing when you scrape your knife hard against the plate and it does that squeak that simultaneously makes your balls tighten, your saliva glands weep and your sinus bite the inside of your mindbrain like a f*cking long Cornetto up the awful backpipe.

But here is the thing.

He did it THREE f*ckING TIMES and all he was eating at that point was a slice of BASTARD tomato the size of a slice of tomato.

Some people actually need to be killed.

Anyway, it made me wince and it made me f*cking angry because of all the reasons I have already shouted into your tender ear. So there you go.

And you know those quite tall pepper grinders you can get in slightly trendy food places?

I pushed one so hard into his fuchsia stained anus that it’ll not be coming out without general anesthetic.

Bye.

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