May 10th, 2011 at 10:01 pm by Stupid Rubbish

Somebody told me a story today.

It was a bloke wearing a funny tie.

And by funny I mean a f*cking horrendous mess of sh!t.

It was a tie with a cartoon on it and a pair of movable wobbly tw@t eyes. Honest to God I don’t think you could make yourself look worse if you wore a Gary Glitter t-shirt to work and had a slice of dismembered child around your neck.

Anyway.

He told me a story.

But it was more of a joke – or at least I think it was supposed to be a joke.

He told me how all women tell you that they don’t want something when you are ordering food and that they say that they will just have some of yours… then when the food arrives they eat yours anyway.

But he finished it like this;

THEY EAT YOURS ANYWAY!!!

Then he did a big pervert smile really close to my face and had his eyebrows so high up I thought he was wearing his face on the wrong side of his head.

There was an awful pause.

I just don’t understand why this dithering f*cklamp would try to impress me with a story that he clearly borrowed from EVERY f*ckING sh!t COMEDIAN EVER and also that isn’t even funny or true. Or funny.

Massive pause.

And I then said it had never ever happened to me. Ever.

And that in that situation I would just order them their own serving of the food anyway, because I really like eating. Oh, and I’m not a cheapskate motherf*cker who f*cks farmyard animals and has never touched a girl.

I think I lost another potential friend.

2 Responses to “Tie cock.”

  1. Stop being so funny. I am reading this at 3 in the bloody morning and my parents are probably wondering why there is giggling coming from my room.

  2. Ps I AM VISITING THEM. I DO NOT LIVE AT THEIRS AS I AM ALMOST 40 AND HAVE A COCK AND EVERYTHING.