May 18th, 2011 at 6:48 pm by Stupid Rubbish

Lets discuss crockery.

And by discuss I mean you shut up now and read my words and I’ll just keep shouting until this painful erection subsides long enough for me to shift in my seat. Ta.

So… crockery;

Why the f*ck do restaurants insist on loading your table with so much of the f*cking stuff that you can’t even pick your knife and fork up without inadvertently activating a noisy tw@t ceramic version of the 1970s board game Mousetrap?

How many f*cking saucers does anyone need?

Why are there perverted things like ramekins and teaspoons all over my f*cking table? I don’t need individual sh!t and I certainly don’t need a pubescent child to come and recklessly spill black pepper on my food from an enormous wooden COCK when I am trying to eat.

Why have you placed a vase with the smallest base possible on the middle of my tiny table, only to fill it with either irritating dead sh!t or something plastic and luminescent that appears to have come from an Aldi Christmas cracker? And how many tablecloths do you need for the love of Jesus?

What is the point of putting ice cold butter on my table along with thinly sliced ponce bread? I may as well simply drag the sh!tting bread across the car park using my f*ckING SHOE until it is sufficiently torn to shreds to look like an elderly whore’s oldest gusset.

The table is too small and you have PUT TOO MUCH ON IT.

Stop trying to look clever and make my dinner you awful bastard.

One Response to “Perverted ramekins.”

  1. Shelby B. Underwood says:

    i love this.
    alot ha