May 23rd, 2011 at 8:24 pm by Stupid Rubbish

Testosterone is a funny thing.

I can only assume that it’s some sort of overactive gentleman’s sack syndrome and the resultant testosterone surge that creates some of these funny little man-creatures that I see scowling their way through the world like complete anus faces.

Maybe they’re eating too much cheap quality red meat or drinking too much of those bizarre energy drinks. Probably one of those numerous cheap alternatives to Red Bull that come in a f*cking enormous can that’s irrelevantly decorated like a horrendous pair of British Knights from 1991.

Whatever it is… it’s making 9 stone men with bad moustaches – that look like two earwigs delicately felching on a top lip – strut about the streets like they are f*cking Conan the Destroyer on a half-dozen lines of coke and nursing a painful erection the size of a police cone.

What’s going on?

What’s the f*cking deal with these man-worms, the scrawniest little Hobbits you can ever find, swaggering about with their pencil legs too far apart and elastic band arms carrying imaginary beer barrels?

Why is this happening?

Notice how each of these unusual little creatures very often seems to have a strange kind of disgusting gravity that only effects other, younger versions of itself. Thereby pulling in two or three teenage dogsh!ts, usually in a similar outfit (shell suit top, white trainers, red baseball cap – mix and match as you like) but with a little less Elizibeth Duke gold-wear and not quite yet sporting the lip-earwigs or the obligatory tattoo under the ear.

They are f*cking and breeding like dirty piss beetles in our streets.

They gather in car parks and assorted public areas and playgrounds and they always have a bastard motor scooter – the proud owner abandoning the baseball cap in favour of the scooter helmet itself worn right on the top of his empty head, creating the overall impression of a large retarded f*ck lollipop.

If there isn’t a scooter you can be sure one will turn up soon and in the meantime there will be a Staffordshire Bull Terrier off it’s lead, wearing a six-inch thick collar studded with gold coloured metal.

News just in;

The dog is not only the smartest member of the group – it has the biggest cock and best job prospects too.

f*cking whelks.

Amended title thanks to the simply amazing @helenruthbs

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