April 12th, 2011 at 2:46 pm by Stupid Rubbish

It wasn’t bad enough that one of my dogs was sick in the exact place I wanted to put my hammock up.

Oh no.

This was a sick made entirely out of sh!t.

So cleaning it up was about as enjoyable as paying a Polish cabbage picker to repeatedly punch your favourite bollock right in the bollock.

Anyway, I get the poo-esque vomit cleared up, with minimal retching, get the fat hammock out and up and into place, only to discover that one of the motherf*cking hooks I bolted to the wall had moved.

So I replace it.

I’m hot and bothered now and wearing a very grubby vest.

I have no hat. Repeat, no hat.

I get the sh!tting thing up and hung and climb aboard, I get approximately thirty-eight seconds in the sunshine before the phone rings and some utter peanus is trying to sell me a window or something similarly useful.

I told him I live in a lighthouse.

He hung up.

So I go back out to my hammock only to see that the same dog that did a sh!t-eating vomit in my hammock area has done a happy little piss next to my beaker of juice and my copy of TV Quick.

I give up.

f*cking dog bastard.



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