June 23rd, 2011 at 8:05 pm by Stupid Rubbish

How f*cking stupid do you have to be to try to embarrass a f*cking dog?


I’m walking through a park and I see a woman with an empty pushchair, two dirty children and what looks like a young Bull Mastiff running about buggering inanimate objects and bothering the sh!t out of everything.

The woman is mid thirties and not unattractive in terms of nature’s gift of face, form and physique. And yes, that WAS a phonetic alliteration, what the f*ck of it?


She’s kind of attractive in a very council estate way, I mean she isn’t marriage material, she’s more like a disposable razor or a late night filthy kebab. She’s also smoking a Silk Cut cigarette and ignoring her children as they spin, like tiny irritating helicopters, towards a busy main road.

It’s about the point where she opens her mouth that I realise I actually am more attracted to the Bull Mastiff.

For some reason she has irrelevantly let her utterly untrained pupface dog run off and f*ck up everyobody else’s day. It’s leaping about trying to bite dogs and people and generally causing bastard havoc.

Her strategy?

She is standing with her hand on her hip, shouting in some kind of mockney throatc*nt that the pup “better get ‘ere – or else…”

Better get ‘ere or else.

Is she f*cking insane?

Yes. Yes she is.

This continues for a few minutes, with the dog taking some where between NO notice and f*ck ALL notice as it begins to helpfully chew a poodle and then dry hump the f*ck out of a park bench.

And this is when the genius began…

She shouts loudly across to the dog;

“I’m going…….”

(The dog is pulling the sleeve of a confused elderly gentleman)

“I’m going…….”

“Fine. Stupid dog” She turns to tell the bystanders “he’s such a stupid dog”

(The dog is now energetically eating some sh!t)

“I’m going…….”

“Fine BYE!”


She walks a few feet behind a hedge before peeking out again, expecting, perhaps, to see the dog running – fear in it’s hairy canine face as it suddenly heard her say goodbye! It must be thinking “who will feed me?” and “how could she leave me?” and “what will become of me without slutmummy!?”


The dog was idly pissing against a little shrub, the two dirty kids where somewhere in traffic, and slutmummy looked like some kind of plastic errorface.


Sometimes in life I think these situations are sent to test me, to test my dignity, resolve or even my propensity as a human being to show empathy and genuine support to my fellow human woman as I join her in that struggle we call life.

As I passed her I turned and said;

“It’s not a stupid dog you pathetic disease – it’s generally accepted that in a human/canine interactions it’s the two legged mammal, not the one that sh!ts in public that has the intellectual edge. But I can see in this particular case the jury is still well and truly out. TAKE SOME f*ckING RESPONSIBILITY”

That possibly is a fail.

But I smell WIN!

And as she stood there open mouthed, fag smoking from the hip, I also pointed out that her children were now getting into the back of a transit van.

f*cking jesus some people are rubbish.

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