June 24th, 2011 at 11:22 pm by Stupid Rubbish

Shops piss me off.

A while ago I bought a bottle of water and a newspaper at a little shop on a busy major railway station platform.

Ten I think.

The small goblin inside the cabin bit watched me grumpily select a bottle of water and then pick up a newspaper and put it in front of her on the counter. I’ve seen the shop, the contents, the various wares and trinkets and I’ve clearly selected the two minimum-fuss items that I wish to buy.

I am holding a £20 note now.

At this point she said possibly the most bizarre sentence in recorded history:

“Do you need any flapjacks or muffins to go with that?”

I looked at her, with the expression of a man who had just eaten a fist-sized lump of his own earwax and been made to chew it before swallowing.

What?” I asked.

“Would you like any flapjacks or muffins to go with your water?”

I think I might have stood and looked at her big teeth for about forty seconds at this point. Because, irrelevantly there was a part of my mind trying to figure out why the f*ck she was insinuating it was normal to need flapjacks and muffins to go with my water. I was floundering about inside my own angry head when the words just fell off my lips…

“Why are you saying that?”


“Why would you ask if I want flapjacks or muffins to go with my water?”


“Do you think I don’t know you sell flapjacks and muffins?”

“No…. but…”

“Do you think I actually really NEED them?”


“You see the water and the newspaper in front of you?”


“I’ve put them there so that you can sell them to me – do you see any flapjacks or muffins with them?”


“You know why that is don’t you?”

“You don’t want any do you?”

“No. No I do not”

Why in GOD’S NAME do places tell their f*cking till monkeys to do this sh!t? What kind of empty-headed bubblef*cker would arbitrarily buy some crap sh!t because somebody bizarrely checked if they “needed” it when they arrived at the checkout?

Idiots. That’s who.

The same idiots who buy a full set of UPVC windows on the way out of a large DIY store.


2 Responses to “Shops piss me off.”

  1. Chris says:

    f*ck yes! It drives me insane! Cookies: “Can I have 6 choc chip please” “Would you like 12 for another £3 ?” “I WANT 6. I KNOW YOU HAVE AN UNLIMITED SUPPLY. IF I WANTED 12 I’D HAVE ASKED FOR 12″.


  2. Knobhead says:

    Perfect, EXACTLY perfect.