April 12th, 2011 at 5:49 pm by Stupid Rubbish


Sometimes I utterly f*cking despair of purveyors of the Full English Breakfast.


What kind of monumental pervert would EVER place beans and egg in direct contact? Honestly, you would have to have a real deep penchant for animal porn and touching highland cattle to even consider it.

The egg must be really close to the toast. Really close.

The beans can either be near or on another piece of toast or they can be next to the sausages. But the bacon must be next to the egg and the hash browns can be used as a temporary bean barrier if the sausage is otherwise engaged.

This sh!t matters.

All the other ingredients can be mixed and matched to fit into this formula but the bottom line is that the f*ckING BEANS CANNOT BE NEAR THE BASTARD EGG.

And if you so much as offer chips with it… f*cking CHIPS… I will immediately conduct a month-long dirty protest in your kitchen and possibly also kick your head off with my actual feet.

Don’t f*ck this up.




3 Responses to “Full English pervert.”

  1. Sadie X says:

    f*cking beans should not be on the f*cking plate at all. They belong in tins in student houses, thats all.

  2. metal barrier says:

    MikeH said on May 8th, 2010 at 1:10 am

  3. Any less than two hash browns and I will leave a perfect turd in the sugar. Which is f*cking hard when it is in sachets.