This month, I am mostly examining my own stupid.

Sometimes in real life you find your personal self interacting with other people.

Their hopeful eyes fire wasted imagination at you as your lives momentarily intertwine for no apparent reason. You politely listen to whatever it is that they need from you, or need to offload at your brain.

So this thing happens, where you are out somewhere and you get your open mouth spoken into by a person who, in any other moment of normality, you wouldn’t have even noticed. It might be an old person, irrelevantly talking to you about a small bush, or perhaps a shrub. Or it could be a hilariously lost person, with a big pitiful face, asking you where something unimportant or stupid is.

It doesn’t really matter.

The fact is, when your life becomes all interrupted like this something truly amazing and unusual happens: You make this kind of temporary friendship that lasts for about five to ten stupid minutes.

From that moment on you are temporarily bonded.

Like brothers and sisters in arms.


And in this time there is a universal law that cannot be altered or usurped.

During this bonding, despite the fact that your only knowledge of this complete stranger is the brief and pointless crossing of paths that you just endured, if you leave them, walk away from them during the bonding phase…

You have to say goodbye.

As stupid as your teeth feel allowing this complete f*ckMITTEN phrase to climb outside of your head, you absolutely HAVE to say do it.

It’s the universal byelaw.

And what’s worse, is that approximately seven times out of ten when you find yourself invoked into action by the stranger of your nightmares, helplessly spouting a farewell to them  – as if you even give a sh!t about the rest of their morning, let alone the rest of their lives – something awful happens.

You know it.

You’ve had an interaction.

The universal byelaw was invoked..

You’ve stupidly and self conciously said a faux-genuine goodbye…

You can bet your last f*cking Wasabi pea that you’ll irrelevantly bump into or walk right past the bastard again, without warning, about half a sodding hour later, like an enormous gurning HEADtw@t.

Do us all a favour.

Don’t f*cking say hello.

Bye. x