Limited patients.


I had to sit in the waiting room of a medical centre surrounded by what can only be described as impossibly old people and Reader’s Digest magazines.

What a f*cking depressing sh!thole. As if it weren’t bad enough that pretty much ever other f*cker in the place was MADE of beige there is a bastard great telly in the corner of the room that you HAVE to watch to get told when to go into the consultation rooms… and what does it show?

A constant f*cking stream of bland, depressing and worrying illness videos.

Are you prepared for Cancer?
How high is your blood pressure?
Signs of Alzheimer’s!
A three point handy guide to having a brilliant heart attack.
Strokes – the sexy way.

What the shuddering DOCTORf*ck? What kind of a c*nt would make those poor old sh!tters sit and stare at that stuff whilst they wait to have whatever it is they are f*cking always having done, done.

Like f*cking advertisements for diseases.

And another thing, the place looked like a f*cking whale had greedily mouthswallowed all of IKEA and then pushed a salty fin down its own massive throat in order to violently sick the lot back up into a childrens play area.

f*cking appalling.

And some tight-fisted boxlicker had clearly got a job lot of bird posters from somewhere and plastered them over every sodding wall space in the entire building. I’ve got nothing against horrendously tacky avian-themed imagery, I even briefly admired what appeared to be a fat retarded owl at one point… but they had doubled up on some of the photos and used the same Kingfisher three f*cking times on one wall.

Three times.

The stupid rouge-crested tw@tBEAK.

I f*cking HATE those places, you can almost TASTE the illness just sitting in there, the whole room just reeked of elderly.

And what the f*ck is self check in?

It basically means you piss around with some sort of anus console after watching several completely clueless and frightened ancient people repeatedly get it badly wrong for up to 25 minutes.

And all that time the mindc*ntingly arrogant and horrendously leather skinned receptionist (who thinks she is a f*cking expert Doctor) sits bone bastard idle or roughly fingers herself in the filing room.

And their Goldfish was ugly.


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