Window tw@t.

Earlier this week I saw a lady shut her own hand in window.

What a complete tw@tROPE.

For those of you unlucky enough to have felt compelled to read the sh!t I smear across your collective metaphorical faces, it was the very same complete bellend of a woman that I wrote about here: CLOCK CHECKER

Anyway, let me explain what she did.

She minced into a room full of people and instantly began fussing and clucking about a window what was open at the other end of the room, exposing us to the wild seaside elements through a GAPING ORIFICE of approximately five inches.

She clucked her way across the room, talking to everybody and nobody about the breeze and the cold air and she took it upon herself to begin closing the window like some kind of AIR NAZI.

Two problems immediately became apparent; firstly, she had a cup of green tea in her right hand. And secondly, she wasn’t really strong enough to push down the old Victorian sash window with her free hand.

Nobody was listening.

So she put her hand under the window, pulling it down using the bottom of the frame as a grip…

Sash windows are counter-weighted.

As soon as it began moving, the window gently closed fully, onto her free hand, causing her to pour a quarter of her hot green tea onto her own personal vagina as she stood squealing  furiously at the window.

She couldn’t put her green tea down, because she couldn’t reach a suitable surface and the window sill was too narrow.

She had a trapped hand and a slowly burning ladyfanny, her glasses had slipped down onto her nose, and probably worse than any of that: she was momentarily unable to pointlessly look at her f*cking wristw@tch.

Nobody cared.

There was a moment of silence as we all watched her struggle for a few seconds, before she let out the most pitiful, wailing, f*ckSQUEAK of a shrill plea. From her terrifying self-created prison, all of six feet from at least a dozen other people, she shamelessly shouted…



I slid helplessly off my chair in a pool of my own hot piss, as she walked from her new found freedom, directly out of the room with her half-cup of green tea and not so much as a Thank You.

They should have left her there, the complete BULB.